life is a melting effigy of ashes when all the noise around will merge into silence, when all the colors will blend to white light...when the breath will diffuse and spaces around will fade into the void ...when attachments and relations will be behind.you will be on your tod...so tread steadily on the journey of life and remember only one anchor can support u...and that's u....not the body...it will turn to dust but your soul that shines through your eyes...be one with it ...befriend it...let go of the transient things...don't hold on...u are the only one ...the only one... enjoy the various hues of the rainbow but know that its momentary and then probably the pain of loosing it will lessen.
I lost my friend today.
Well the day i came across him was invariably the same,i was looking for answers and was suffocated ...the marital vows hadn't done me any good...Life was a raging pathway and I had to walk through it...I was battling with myself to survive through the changes...I was confined to the house but the boon was that I had a computer that could connect me to the world outside...and that's where I met him... beep and I see a msn chat window popping up and someone says Hi! I generally avoid talking with strangers in the outside world...whereas I literally live with strangers under the same roof... but what do u do when u are in the middle of nowhere. so I greeted back ...he said he likes my msn profile which says "I am an independent person and love humanity " ...I was amazed have I not modified the status like my surname?... I am a captivated soul...now... well I had a lot of pent up feelings and i needed a vent...so I asked asl? that's an acronym invented for strangers on the internet to get to know the basics of age,sex and location... that also lets u know the person's intentions...the screen flashed "65,m,Calcutta" I was surprised and relieved...so this man is old enough to be my father and stays in the same city .a sigh of relief that he is not just interested in some flirtations... so we started to chat and he opened up to me stating that he had lost his beautiful wife Dipa to cancer and was alone ...so that was the chord between us..I had compromised my life to be a good wife and found myself lonely ... and he was alone... lost his love of a lifetime. I shared my gravest fears ...he on the other hand was fearless ... he was to my shock ...an atheist...with virtues God-like ...a man ,true to his word... compassionate...wise ,full of vigor and love whereas i was a God-fearing timid...cribbing ...persona... he questioned my beliefs ...he said-"How can one be fearful of the source of all power...the lover of the lovers as u state ?" Yes I never thought of this dimension of faith...which is the only facet of a radiant crest jewel Trust.... gradually I realized he had become my mentor... day after day he conditioned my heart... invigorated my spirits... and I bloomed from a timid enclosed bud to a beautiful flower whose brilliant petals unfolded day after day ....I saw myself... pursuing my goals...I saw myself dreaming again ... I am in debt to my special friend who always said ..."a friend is the one who guides your ship to the port of your call in life"...and he did just that...together we created our own universe where everyone was welcomed ...we cleansed ourselves by serving selflessly all those who were family for the entire humanity...just forsaken by their own.We started compassionate services ..for the fragile and the old ... for the love of humanity ...& named our efforts "Kritagya" with the mission to offer gratitude to nature and serve mankind. and it felt like it feels when u are swept by a gush of cool wind on a hot summery day ...
Life was crazy for me ... I had things to study,assignments to complete, freelancing jobs to finish ...cooking to do... kid to look after... give time to my family and grab a moment to refresh myself by talking to my friend ... a simple sms on a busy and hectic day that said "It always pays to do multitasking...in the current buzz of life that is becoming the most essential technique for useful survival and I am always available...so smile...and go for it."and the insanity would turn to serenity... yes there have been long absences when he went to visit his son,daughter and precious grand children or give a lecture at universities on behavioral science and human resource management... but somehow I knew he's there when I succumb to troubles of any sort.
He always wrote emails to me ...inspiring,thought provoking...I grew used to him being around...though in our affinity of 7 years ...I only met him in person once ...just before he was leaving ...to be gone forever.
When Ashis found out about the deteriorating condition of his lungs.... and was getting scanned ,a battery of tests were being done on him..I was perturbed and then I received an sms...
"As of now ...the situation is pretty bleak..However, please don't be upset for me...Believe me,I am at complete harmony with myself ...what cannot be cured has to be endured...this eternal proverb is one of the guiding principles of my life...which always keeps me in happy spirits and at complete peace ...so please don't worry for me and keep smiling... smile is one of the greatest gift of Life to us...Love it...U must understand Fate has its own design for each of us...Acceptance is the greatest virtue we can practice...it enables one to be stable at all times in all circumstances...failing to accept a situation is a sure road to misery ....which most people love to travel and enjoy the journey with the spice of self pity liberally sprinkled...Hope you don't become a victim of such a situation ever...being positive is good...but being sagaciously positive is a virtue...practice it... Love Ashis."
Soon after that he went for treatment to Mumbai and I felt some very important piece of me is being extricated from my soul... my soul friend is being taken away...but my intellect ignored all the signals nature sent my way...and i kept on the affirmative track.. days passed by...His cell phone was switched off ...last message I received was 10 days old saying that "I am in Hinduja for my treatment...will remember you forever...take care...love... Ashis"... I loved to be loved...to be cared for ...and to be considered special...by my extraordinarily special friend... and then one night as I was completing a late night assignment... I dozed off on my desk...don't remember how long i was in slumber when suddenly I heard his voice...that I clearly remember...it said "I have reached safe...It was great experience meeting you...Where I felt so much akinness of mind and soul...And unqualified matching of thoughts in the basics...it was so completely satisfying ...will remember this always...And a Friend like you is one of the best and rarest gifts bestowed upon me... I wish you unqualified success in your mission of compassion....I will be there for you always...the last one echoed in my psyche for a long time... and then I had a blurred vision of him standing on the top of a stairway...his face beaming with a big smile... and eyes pouring affection for me... and then I suddenly woke up to realize that it was a fleeting dream...my subconscious had created... I waited for the morning...to once again try in vain to contact him...my mind tried to reason out ...he must be gone to some overseas lectures that were pending post treatment...but all the way my heart was giving away...I tried to divert myself ...I picked up my cup of morning tea and newspaper and there it was... an obituary column with his picture ...he had passed away yesterday...It read...
Shreeja Jhawar
I lost my friend today.
Well the day i came across him was invariably the same,i was looking for answers and was suffocated ...the marital vows hadn't done me any good...Life was a raging pathway and I had to walk through it...I was battling with myself to survive through the changes...I was confined to the house but the boon was that I had a computer that could connect me to the world outside...and that's where I met him... beep and I see a msn chat window popping up and someone says Hi! I generally avoid talking with strangers in the outside world...whereas I literally live with strangers under the same roof... but what do u do when u are in the middle of nowhere. so I greeted back ...he said he likes my msn profile which says "I am an independent person and love humanity " ...I was amazed have I not modified the status like my surname?... I am a captivated soul...now... well I had a lot of pent up feelings and i needed a vent...so I asked asl? that's an acronym invented for strangers on the internet to get to know the basics of age,sex and location... that also lets u know the person's intentions...the screen flashed "65,m,Calcutta" I was surprised and relieved...so this man is old enough to be my father and stays in the same city .a sigh of relief that he is not just interested in some flirtations... so we started to chat and he opened up to me stating that he had lost his beautiful wife Dipa to cancer and was alone ...so that was the chord between us..I had compromised my life to be a good wife and found myself lonely ... and he was alone... lost his love of a lifetime. I shared my gravest fears ...he on the other hand was fearless ... he was to my shock ...an atheist...with virtues God-like ...a man ,true to his word... compassionate...wise ,full of vigor and love whereas i was a God-fearing timid...cribbing ...persona... he questioned my beliefs ...he said-"How can one be fearful of the source of all power...the lover of the lovers as u state ?" Yes I never thought of this dimension of faith...which is the only facet of a radiant crest jewel Trust.... gradually I realized he had become my mentor... day after day he conditioned my heart... invigorated my spirits... and I bloomed from a timid enclosed bud to a beautiful flower whose brilliant petals unfolded day after day ....I saw myself... pursuing my goals...I saw myself dreaming again ... I am in debt to my special friend who always said ..."a friend is the one who guides your ship to the port of your call in life"...and he did just that...together we created our own universe where everyone was welcomed ...we cleansed ourselves by serving selflessly all those who were family for the entire humanity...just forsaken by their own.We started compassionate services ..for the fragile and the old ... for the love of humanity ...& named our efforts "Kritagya" with the mission to offer gratitude to nature and serve mankind. and it felt like it feels when u are swept by a gush of cool wind on a hot summery day ...
Life was crazy for me ... I had things to study,assignments to complete, freelancing jobs to finish ...cooking to do... kid to look after... give time to my family and grab a moment to refresh myself by talking to my friend ... a simple sms on a busy and hectic day that said "It always pays to do multitasking...in the current buzz of life that is becoming the most essential technique for useful survival and I am always available...so smile...and go for it."and the insanity would turn to serenity... yes there have been long absences when he went to visit his son,daughter and precious grand children or give a lecture at universities on behavioral science and human resource management... but somehow I knew he's there when I succumb to troubles of any sort.
He always wrote emails to me ...inspiring,thought provoking...I grew used to him being around...though in our affinity of 7 years ...I only met him in person once ...just before he was leaving ...to be gone forever.
When Ashis found out about the deteriorating condition of his lungs.... and was getting scanned ,a battery of tests were being done on him..I was perturbed and then I received an sms...
"As of now ...the situation is pretty bleak..However, please don't be upset for me...Believe me,I am at complete harmony with myself ...what cannot be cured has to be endured...this eternal proverb is one of the guiding principles of my life...which always keeps me in happy spirits and at complete peace ...so please don't worry for me and keep smiling... smile is one of the greatest gift of Life to us...Love it...U must understand Fate has its own design for each of us...Acceptance is the greatest virtue we can practice...it enables one to be stable at all times in all circumstances...failing to accept a situation is a sure road to misery ....which most people love to travel and enjoy the journey with the spice of self pity liberally sprinkled...Hope you don't become a victim of such a situation ever...being positive is good...but being sagaciously positive is a virtue...practice it... Love Ashis."
Soon after that he went for treatment to Mumbai and I felt some very important piece of me is being extricated from my soul... my soul friend is being taken away...but my intellect ignored all the signals nature sent my way...and i kept on the affirmative track.. days passed by...His cell phone was switched off ...last message I received was 10 days old saying that "I am in Hinduja for my treatment...will remember you forever...take care...love... Ashis"... I loved to be loved...to be cared for ...and to be considered special...by my extraordinarily special friend... and then one night as I was completing a late night assignment... I dozed off on my desk...don't remember how long i was in slumber when suddenly I heard his voice...that I clearly remember...it said "I have reached safe...It was great experience meeting you...Where I felt so much akinness of mind and soul...And unqualified matching of thoughts in the basics...it was so completely satisfying ...will remember this always...And a Friend like you is one of the best and rarest gifts bestowed upon me... I wish you unqualified success in your mission of compassion....I will be there for you always...the last one echoed in my psyche for a long time... and then I had a blurred vision of him standing on the top of a stairway...his face beaming with a big smile... and eyes pouring affection for me... and then I suddenly woke up to realize that it was a fleeting dream...my subconscious had created... I waited for the morning...to once again try in vain to contact him...my mind tried to reason out ...he must be gone to some overseas lectures that were pending post treatment...but all the way my heart was giving away...I tried to divert myself ...I picked up my cup of morning tea and newspaper and there it was... an obituary column with his picture ...he had passed away yesterday...It read...
My father (Ashis Sen) left us on the 8th of March. He had many friends, many of whom I do not know. He had this marvellous quality of being friends with a lot of people and not only that - had a personal touch and bonding with most people who knew him. On his behalf I wanted to let all of you that his pain and suffering was not prolonged, although the loss was so sudden. It will be difficult void to fill but his legacy will live on........I closed my eyes till it became painfully full and I opened it to let out a flood of tears ...tears on my cheeks...on the picture in the news paper...forming ripples in the tea...tears were everywhere...inside and out... and then I remembered the dream of last night...and I smiled...tears still streaming down.a voice reverberated in my mind..."I am always available"!
Shreeja Jhawar
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