I release you!

"When They came and clamored and surrounded me...they hid thee from my sight.I thought I would bring to thee my gifts last of all.Now that the day has waned and they have taken their dues and left me alone, I see thee standing on the door. But I find I have no gift remaining to give,and I hold both my hands up to thee"

- Rabindranath Tagore


My wife was in the last stages of malignant cancer of the colon.She was breathing her last in the leelavati hospital in Mumbai where we lived.

My son Samudra was busy pleasing the entire gamut of 74 Gods and Goddesses to bring back his mother from the entrapment of the fatal disease and my daughter Sagarika succumbed herself to caring and tending to the needs of her mother. I was piteous and despondent thwarted by the feelings of hopelessness,insecurity and defeat for past 18 months I was losing one after the other the battles against cancer that had apparently affected the entire family.After some painful chemotherapy sessions Doctors had finally given up.Her suffering intensified.She had only few hours according to the surgeon.

I realized that after 33 years of marriage and courtship that had started with our adolescence I will have to let go of Dipa my beloved wife.As the sun was setting on us...so was my courage dwindling.My perplexed mind could not draw a picture of me without her.More over I did not believe in her precious God so what or who will be my clutch?
I believe that Cosmic life force animates and circulates throughout creation; Energy transcends from one form to another and bodies decay when energy depletes.That's what death is.But at that time though it was agreeable as a concept but not acceptable to my heart that wanted to hold on to the image of the woman who was my soul mate ,the woman who gracefully corrected my steps,who bore me two wonderful children, who accepted my flaws with love and who was my sole friend.

Amidst of all the boggling thoughts I reached for the phone that was ringing from quiet sometime now .It was the director of Philips where I served for more than 30 years as a HR Head.I was respected for my dedication and work. I had held the company together as one big family.All 400 employees revered me as I stood by them in trying times, I visited each one of them personally be it white collar or blue. I knew each one by their first name and dropped by their houses to meet their families increasing the trust & credibility.I worked at odd hours as Dipa never complained and always understood my passion for my work. I also got lost in the seduction of my work and success and took her for granted.I always made up for the lost time and my absence with the stereotype "after all for whom am I running around..." but the fact was far from the belief that I nurtured to stay away from the biting guilt.
In those days when every company was plagued with unions and strikes ,mine was unaffected and diligent.
Though antisocial elements in Mumbai were lurking in the corner awaiting an opportunity to abuse my workers but their efforts went in vain.
But as I was stuck up in my own storm they slipped in through the cracks and my employer had called to inform me with a broken voice that their intentions had materialized and in just a few hours the union is going to be formed.He informed me that the mugger is going to come to the factory to get the signatures of the staff members and if he acquires a minimum of 10 signatures his purpose is solved.He also reluctantly assured me that I need not come leaving my wife in this critical situation.
I knew that I needed to affront the antagonist and save my company and 400 families from the damage and consequences. I also believed that Dipa is going to understand and wait for me as always.Despite of my folks disapproving of my decision I progressed after stopping by my wife who was tubed and trapped and whispering into her ears "hold on" ,knowing that she always did stay up for me ,knowing that she always respected my honesty and devotion towards my service ...knowing that she understood like no one else could.
After a two hours long drive I finally arrived at the gates of my factory, I could see some eyes stunned ...some paralyzed ,some doubting and some concerned . I stood their with a stoned and sullen stare.They could not meet my eyes and muttered "we are threatened" . They were aware of my state...human compassion connects and so they cooperated .
I hunkered on a chair in my cabin and waited for the assailant. I saw a robust,shabby and rounded man wearing an unbuttoned shirt that displayed his hairy chest enter and posing in front of me. He introduced himself as Saurabh and he stated his purpose of coming casually ... he did not wait for my answer as I watched ,he shouted some names and in a moment there were five armed goons with papers in hand,He had come prepared to torment the workers. He stopped in his tracks when I stood up and challenged him to remain seated with me here and ask one of his men to go out there to seek agreement without coercion.He mockingly agreed. But when he was received with discordance he turned bitter and aggressive . He left with an enraged look.
After restoring peace and trust I turned to go to my love who awaited my presence more now as she wanted to be free ....
My driver was racing the car on an empty road.Suddenly I heard screeching sound of the brakes and my car came to a stand still jerking me out of my thoughts,I was trying to figure out the matter when I saw Saurabh with a number of armed men approach. We were asked to step out of the car at gun point .Me and my driver stepped out and with a thud my driver fell down on the road and fainted...I knew they were here for me ... But I was undaunted and fearless ... with Dipa dying my fear of death had vanished in thin air.
I looked into his eyes squarely and said "You want to kill me or hurt me, whatever it be you can go ahead but remember my family and workers know that I was here to meet you....so if the police finds me dead or injured,it will be easy for them to track you and yes I have nothing to loose now so you might as well satisfy your rage. I am only concerned about the results.Don't choose darkness for yourself ...when light beckons! " I do not know from where was I coming but the words were the texture of my soul that I managed to keep upright in dire straits.I heard a few chuckles and knew that my words are falling on handicapped hearts.A few threats and swearing words barraged at me.I did not budge and as I was anticipating the blow I closed my eyes and thought about Dipa ...Her image floated in my mind shutting out the world until I heard retreating foot steps I opened my eyes and to my awe they were gone.I helped my driver inside the car and seated myself on the wheels and rushed.

When I reached outside the numb corridors of the intensive care unit that smelt of the defunct.My son stood outside with a lifeless expression ...I grew anxious and motionless ,he said "go see mom she's been waiting too long"... My gut and wit dissolved in tears .... I saw Dipa within the confines of the ventilator. I broke down and let out a feeble cry when I stated to her how thankful I was for her devout support and unflinching love ...I finally set her free as I reeled off "Dip.. I release you but never will I let go off our love...You can go..."
I saw the corners of her eyes getting wet although she was unconscious ,may be she was listening or may be I was imagining.But that night she passed away.
By-
Shreeja Mohatta Jhawar
(a real story of Ashis Sen and Dipa Sen )