Give All Your Tears To Me

“Khush raho har khushi hai tumhare liye…chor do aasuon ko hamare liye” (I wish all happiness for you… every joy is for you to claim… give all your tears to me…) My sister who is 3 years older to me always sang this song for me when we were in our teens and I used to shudder away and find it a little embarrassing in front of my friends. I hardly expressed my feelings for her because I never realized them then. She loved me like a mother and despite my failure to reciprocate she would consistently express her fondness for me. She would save her pocket money to buy me gifts, she would cover up for me in the family, she would give up on the exquisite chocolates just for me, she would protect me from mean people in school, she would cry more than me if I got hurt and above all she would take all rudeness from me with a smile and a pat on my head. I never understood the blessings which God had bestowed upon me in her form, until that day when I realized that I could have lost her.
That evening when she came back from work, I was to hand over her three year old baby, whom I was babysitting for a few weeks now, to her and leave her in the empty childhood home of ours to join my husband for dinner. She insisted I stay back for that night and as usual like every day I was moaning and cribbing about my own problems whereas the real reason was that I was evading the responsibility of being an emotional support to her in her most vulnerable time when her husband whom she loved ardently had abandoned her and their daughter to marry her friend. She felt like a loser and her trust on love and life had completely shattered. I could not read the warning of what was to come in her eyes that night. She had a stone like expression and I made a mental note to call our parents first thing in the morning, who were living in New York, USA. I was sure Mom will come back in time to handle her.
But as I prepared to leave I saw her drooping at the dining table and my niece, who was crying to be picked up, at her feet … I rushed to check on her and as I pulled her face up I saw her eyes rolled up ….her tears dried up on her cheeks and her body cold… I shook her …slapped her several times to bring her back to consciousness … I yelled and my niece shrieked as she had got scared and so was I.
We were three people in a traumatic situation and I was the captain of the sinking ship … for a moment I was at wits end but then I put my acts together and splashed water on my sister’s sullen face … she was drifting in and out of consciousness and I asked her what had she taken …she muttered something which was not clear but within earshot I heard her whispering “25…. sleeping …pills”. I was shell shocked but I realized I had some time in hand and I kept talking to her …I settled my niece in the other room with her favorite dvd and quickly made some black coffee which I had to forcefully feed her with a spoon and then called few of her close friends of which only one came by to help, my husband who rushed to be by our side and our family doctor who refused to help as this was a suicidal case … It pierced my soul and I could not believe that it indeed was… I screamed with tears at my sister … I will not let you die like a coward; I will not let you die…. She wasn’t responding and I kept shaking her … I hugged her several times and kept telling her that her life means a lot to her daughter, to mom and dad and for the first time I told her that she meant the world to me… and I loved her ….even though my words were failing to revive her…
I was getting tensed and the anticipation grew enormously with every passing moment. She wasn’t responding to anything and the coffee I was pouring in her mouth was trickling down from the corners of her mouth. Just then my husband came with an obliging doctor who controlled the situation and just after a few injections she started throwing up and I kept cleaning and praying… memories were playing a havoc in my mind… her cheerful laughter, her songs, her caring and her weird expressions of love floated in front of my blurred eyes ... After a few hours with doctor’s consent we let her sleep and I knew now when she will wake up … it will be a new day for her… and she will emerge as a stronger person …. I knew that she will regret her decision of running away and I realized that it was not just her but me who was reborn and I also learnt that escaping is no solution but facing is.
And today is my niece’s 11th birthday and we have come far from those dark days .Didi has accomplished a lot in her life and is a successful and blissful person who helps others who have given up in the journey of life. She pampers me even more now.
And I am on the stage dedicating a song to her and declaring my love for her without any inhibitions and embarrassments …. I see her smile with contentment and pride as my song or rather our song fills the room and our hearts… “…. Muskurane ke din hain…na aahen bharo…. mere hote na khud ko pareshaan karo… Khush raho har khushi hai tumhare liye…chor do aasuon ko hamare liye” (the days are now to smile and be happy …don’t sigh, no more…. I am standing by your side, don’t ever worry… I wish all happiness for you… every joy is for you to claim… give all your tears to me….).

~Shreeja Jhawar